Obituary headlines that pull no punches

 

Oscar Siggets, 93, Ruthless Capitalist, Dies after Too-Short Illness
Brought sketchy, cost-saving innovations to meat processing industry


Mary Nells, 74, Cynical Golddigger
Widowed by three wealthy husbands older than her by a combined 139 years


Sammy Martin, 85, Actor Tied to Irritating ‘60s Sitcom Catchphrase
Lean final four decades for the “‘How They Hanging?’ kid”


Magdalene Arnell, 57, Debauched, Heartless Industrial Heiress
Liquidated family concern upon inheritance, laying off thousands; partied life away


Gerald Tervino, 77, Friendless Philanthropist
Calculated generosity kept heads of charities in thrall of odious douchebag


Catherine Bobbins, 79, CPA and Spending Scold
Few attend service for ever-irritable, harshly judgmental “Queen of Lean”

 

Must-read obituaries

Selman Humpf, 87, Smelled Like Pee for Decades

Mary Murtaugh, 78, Champion Kvetcher

Suzette Pillabon, 52, Did “That Thing” with Eyelids

Danny Elling, 91, Victim of Babe Ruth Jockstrap Prank-Gone-Wrong

Leedon Harway, 46, Stunt Pilot Some Deemed “Excessively Risky”

Mandy Davisen, 67, Peritoneal Piercing Pioneer

Thomas Selter, 53, Married a Shiksa

Mark “Faceplant” Murphy, 22, Lived Life as Star of Own Imaginary “Jackass”-style TV Show

Arman Belashevsky, 79, Wanted to Be Left the Hell Alone

Moramor Qadahfi, 73, Destitute Senior Long Taunted over Name Similarity

Francois Lemmle, 63, Legendary Parisian Parking Scofflaw Outlives €532,321 in Fines