The annual Christmas letter

Dear friends,

Wellsir, it’s time to take Pentel in hand once again and record the year’s blessings our family has received. However, we will not talk about Robert.

This year has been a wonderful one in many ways. Probably the big news that many of you already heard about was the time this summer that Darrell’s back eczema formed a scab in the spittin’ image of Jesus, which then started weeping real blood! Darrell’s back (though not Darrell—you know how shy he is!) was on Channel 7, Channel 22, Channel 18 AND Channel 79. (That’s the Latin station and they were SO polite about not coming in the house.) Suffice it to say we can hardly wait for dry, flaky season next year!

Celera sends letters regularly from college, although we were sad to learn she will not be returning from campus to join us for the holidays this year. That’s because of something called a quarantine they are having there. I don’t know, those college kids and their events.

I know some of you want to know about Robert, but the less said about Robert the better.

Matthew continues to be a delight, if something of a handful. Before his diagnosis, we had no clue about this pituitary business, but the boy can really go through the groceries! We are almost finished converting the garage into his containment facility. Oh, these contractors!

Sally is still dead-set on the ballet. Poor thing works so hard. The odds of making it are so high, even for a girl with two legs the same length, but she will not be deterred! I’m proud to say her last recital was longer on poise than it was on her toppling over onto the other cast members.

As for our youngest, Timmy, he is such a cut-up! He still tells anyone who will listen that he is not part of our family and will move away the second he turns 18, and all with a straight face! Such a performer for an 8-year-old! You’d think he’d let on that he’s kidding at least once, but oh, no, not our Timmy!

Well, I’d best end for now. Wishing you and yours the best for the holidays and the new year. If you do see Robert, please do not give him money or tell him where we moved to.