I don’t remember when I became aware of Uline, the self-styled “leading distributor of shipping, industrial and packaging materials to businesses throughout North America,” but it wasn’t all that long ago.
But I recently made a minor purchase or two from them, and now I am on their mailing list. And I am infatuated with their 627 page catalog (subscribe here), which is full of esoteric items I don’t understand, would never use, but covet nonetheless. If your business does shipping, warehousing, packaging, retailing, materials handling or any other semi-industrial task, OMG, is this catalog chock full of treasures for you! Let’s take a look, shall we?
First of all, the cover is a paragon of attractive, simple, candy-colored design:
Now, about those esoteric items. So you say you’re tired of your bollards going sleeveless? Sleeve them shits, homie:
You’re sackin’ lots of material and sealing the bags is no cinch? Go whole hog ring:
Oily rags. Your mother warned you about ‘em, my mother warned me about ‘em. How much damage do fires caused by oily rags do every year? Millions of dollars worth! Because people have never had a place to stick ‘em! Until now:
The professional eyewash station cognoscenti don’t say, “Give me a top-of-the-line, best-in-class, leading edge, fully OSHA compliant, no-plumbing-needed eyewash station.” No, they have a shorthand for that. They just say, “Motherfucker, I want a Fendall™ 2000!”
OK, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, wow, that’s great that Uline has all that stuff, but what does Uline have for the Tuscan smoker? A POLE, that’s what! Just for Tuscan smokers! Unbelieves!
Sick of posers trying to front their way into your spot, but not quite ready to get rough with them? Control those fools and keep them up outta there with some plush class:
Those anguished cries of, “Where’s my tape?! I can’t find my tape!”??? They’re a thing of the past, mofo. Put some conspicuity to that shit:
Your foam is too simple, son!
I’m not too sexy for my zebra snap-blade knife, my zebra snap-blade knife is too sexy for me:
And that’s just a tiny fraction of the stuff I found to highlight. Catalog rating: delightful