16 Explosive Statements About ClickHole, the Onion’s New Parody Site

 

  1. Clickhole exists to parody the insipid viral content that is coming to dominate the web. The site was launched earlier this summer.

  2. It’s produced by the people who publish The Onion.

  3. Sample posts include, “23 Insanely Mind-Blowing Facts About the Class of 2018.”

  4. These posts are full of a combination of the funnily mundane (“First off, they’re graduating in 2018”) and the absurdly specious (“None of them have vestigial tails.”)

  5. That “vestigial tails” line is exactly like something out of my “Did You Know” series of spurious facts on my old site Thot4ThDay site. Eerily similar. Whatever.

  6. On its article pages, Clickhole runs paid ads for the same kinds of viral content it parodies:


  7. It is such a cynically brilliant (or brilliantly cynical) business model, I’m insanely jealous I didn’t think of it myself.

  8. It has a section for parody quizzes, such as “How Many of Grandpa’s Stories Have You Heard?”

  9. At first, while acknowledging the spot-on of-the-moment cultural satire of the site, I wondered how sustainable this essentially one-note satire could be.

  10. But the more I think about it, the more I’ve decided that we, the users of the interwebs, are so collectively credulous and stupid that Clickhole may be a well that never runs dry.

  11. In fact, I wonder if the folks at The Onion didn’t create ClickHole as a frustrated reaction to satirical items from that rag getting viral social play because people actually thought they were real, or could be.

  12. You know, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

  13. And now The Onion folks are laughing all the way to the bank.

  14. The bastards.

  15. The site is an ongoing rickrolling service, ready to supply linkable content to anyone who wants to show how stupid their friends are.

  16. It may be a harbinger of doom.

 

The Onion to check IDs before calling females C-word

Proposed rejection symbol for manuscripts failing to meet new c-word guidelines.The Onion, a national humor publication reeling from criticism for an Oscar night tweet that referred to 9-year-old actress Quvenzhané Wallis as the C-word, apologized and said it was instituting age restrictions to prevent such flaps from happening in the future.

During the awards ceremony, an Onion employee tweeted, “Everyone else seems afraid to say it, but that Quvenzhané Wallis is kind of a c***, right?” on the company’s official Twitter feed. Little known before the incident, The Onion, which publishes a website and a weekly print edition, found itself in the spotlight the day after the telecast, and the attention was overwhelmingly unflattering.

“Clearly, we were out of line, and we apologize to that little… to that girl,” Natalie Fensch, a spokesperson for the company said. “We now realize that no 9-year-old can truly be a c***.”

Fensch said that Onion CEO Monty Sweetwater had issued new age guidelines spelling out which females may or may not be described as c***s in the company’s media properties. Pressed for details about those guidelines, Fensch demurred. “Come on. I think we can all agree that we know one when we see one,” she said.

Asked if the guidelines spell out a specific minimum age, Fensch would only say, “All I can tell you is that any girl who hasn’t hit puberty yet is safe. At this time.” She went on to say that fact checkers from the Onion would contact any female referred to as a c*** in one of the publication’s manuscripts to verify that the guidelines were met. “We expect to build up a database of approved c***s that will expedite the review process for future c*** references,” Fensch said.

While Fensch reiterated CEO Sweetwater’s apology, she did try to take some heat off the writer who sent the offending tweet. “I mean, I think it was an honest mistake,” she said. “That girl looks every bit of 13.”

As to what terms The Onion’s writers would use for young females who don’t qualify as c***s under the new guidelines, Fensch would only offer that the terms “ball-busting tween” and “short-bitch” were among many being considered.