My latest letter to the editors of People Magazine

Dear Peoples of People:

I can’t believe it, but you did it again! You looked at everything that was going on in the world today—EVERYTHING!—and you zeroed in on the one thing that means everything to me.

Miss Micha Barton. Sorry, I mean Mischa.

Has a talent ever burned so bright? I mean, her work on… that television program that she was on—WOW!

And then, to live through the “Hollywood nightmare” she did, where it’s nothing but the best drugs and the most sex all the time—who would want that? For very long, I mean.

People Magazine and Micha—sorry, Mischa—Barton, you are the perfect marriage of excellenceness, and I am the best man!

Stay relevant,

R. Ichley Ardmal