Rejected letter to the editors of People Magazine: Brangelina's wedding

Dear to the editors of People Magazine:

I was most thrilled and surprised to receive yours of September 15 (how do you do that?) featuring Brangelina’s wedding on the cover.

I guess my invitation must’ve gotten lost in the mail, for I was unaware said nups had occurred. But I was very disappointed that your photo ablum did not mention WHO Brangelina was marrying! I can only hope it is that actor with whom she shares all those rainbow babies. 

I had to chuckle at the part about how Brangelina’s dress was covered with her babies’ drawings. I can just imagine how my own late mother would have reacted to finding that we, her beloved children, had drawn on her wedding dress. After recovering from the shock of learning that her children were all born before she was married, she would have beaten us all down one side and up the other! 

Kudos to your photographer. I see no visible marks or bruises on Brangelina’s brood. 

I wish Brangelina and whomsoever she has married great happiness. 

Yours of September 5,

R. Ddiva Lalmye

Most recent rejected letter to People Magazine

The Editors
People Magazine
People Magazine Place
New York, New York, New York

Dear People of People:

As someone who has suffered it’s horrible disfiguring effects, I am urging you once again to stop kidding around about Brangelina.

Brangelina is no joke, and there is no known cure. Millions of Americans suffer from this debilitating disease. Thousands of them will die on the waiting list for a head transplant that will never come. And yet to you people at People it’s all a big joke.

Do you hear me laughing, People? I didn’t think so. You’ll not hear chortle one from these parts.

For the last time, ixnay on the angelina-Bray.


R. David Lemlay
Brangelina Terribleness Awareness Foundation