Dear People of People (Magazine):
“Infesta and Johnny, 10 Years After the Bachelorette: How Does Their Love Survive?” So screams the cover of your latest issue.
Based on my own personal experience, if I had to guess how their love survives, I’d say it survives on three things:
1. Cheap box wine
2. Highly effective contraception
3. Talk therapy
But, hey, that’s just me. I admit it: 10 years ago I was one of the people who said Infesta wasn’t worthy of Johnny’s love. When she threw cold oatmeal in his face during the all-important “final attrition” episode, I thought it was lowdown and mean. Ooh, Infesta, I said to myself, you are a belly-crawling snake of a woman!
Well, it just shows to go you! Here it is 10 years later and Infesta and Johnny are keeping their love alive! Their inspiring story serves to prove that no matter how venal, stupid and sociopathic someone is, there is a reality television program to help him or her find a suitable mate.
There are so many Infestas and Johnnys out there. I can’t wait until their offspring start breeding!
Keep up the great work, you’re fabulous!
M. Ravid Ladley