I have been identified as a guaranteed winner!*

Thank you, Clay Cooley Nissan of Austin South! I will be headed your way soon to claim my prize!* I mean, seeing as how my NOTIFICATION STATUS is APPROVED and CONFIRMED and all.

Oh, wait. The prize claim deadline is Wednesday. And today is Wednesday. 

Oh, wait again. It doesn’t say which Wednesday is the deadline. So the deadline could be today, or it could be any Wednesday into perpetuity. I get it! Creating a little urgency there. 

Just one thing: I’m a little concerned that my PRIZE NOTIFICATION NUMBER is illegible. Weird, huh? I mean, everything else is legible here, even on the carbon copy (nice touch, BTW!)

Well, I guess we can work that out when I come in and compare my number to the numbers on your PRIZE BOARD. I’m sure if there’s any question about what my PRIZE NOTIFICATION NUMBER is, I’ll get the benefit of the doubt, right?

Right?

See you soon.*

PS: The bank said the bottom part is not a real check. What up with that? : (