The Hive Mind Click-Bait Headline Project

 

As we all now understand, the Internet is a morass of overhyped and/or misleading and/or deceptive content, the sole purpose of which is to expose you to,

A) Advertising, and;

2) Links leading to more bullshit content.

These stories, which exist only to sucker us into viewing them, are known as click-bait.

Coming up with the content itself is easy. You either just make shit up, or you wait until the last paragraph to weasel out of the premise teased by your headline: “But as it turns out, despite hundreds of Internet headlines to the contrary, Kim Kardashian did not have an alien vagina transplant.”

No, it’s coming up with the premises themselves, as trumpeted by the headlines, that are difficult. And that’s where we come in.

Together, we can help those poor burned-out click-bait headline writers come up with ways of enticing gullible idiots to click on links they know in their hearts are bullshit, but are so bored and desperate for a little novelty they’ll click on them anyway.

After all, who knows better than we do what gullible, bored and desperate idiots want?

I’ve come up with some starter headlines. You contribute yours via Twitter, Facebook or email and I’ll add them here:

10 CELEBRITIES YOU NEVER KNEW WERE HERMAPHRODITES

VIDEO: MAN CELEBRATES 6TH ANNIVERSARY OF PERMANENT ERECTION

AUSTRALIAN MIRACLE: KITTEN SAVES ORPHANS FROM GREAT WHITE SHARK

INTERNET HEALTH CRISIS: ARE YOU DOING THIS POTENTIALLY DEADLY SURFING?

ARE YOU ON THE LIST? IRS TO REFUND 27 BILLION OVERCHARGED TAXPAYERS

YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE HOW THIS WOMAN PLAYS THE KAZOO!

DEADLY DOG FOOD: IS YOUR POOCH PROTECTED?

YOU CAN DO THAT WITH AN IPHONE?!

5 HIDDEN SOURCES OF IMMENSE WEALTH IN YOUR HOME RIGHT NOW

DEADLY SMARTPHONE BACTERIA: SEE IF YOUR MODEL’S AFFECTED

DOES TYPO IN CONSTITUTION MAKE YOU PRESIDENT?

PHOTOS: TAYLOR SWIFT CAUGHT IN DEVIANT SEX STING?

MICHELLE: THAT THING BARACK DOES THAT I LOOOOOVE

OMG! DID LEBRON JUST HAVE A DICK SLIP?

Hive Mind Contributions: