Recent highlights from my neighborhood listserv

 


HELLO, NGIEBROS!! I GOT a LETtER TELLING ME I WON A BIG PRIZE. BUT IT HAS NOT SHOWNED UP. ON my DOORSTOP!!! WHICH ONE OF YOU ToOK MY BIG PRIZE!!!!!!!????
BERTHA ON HOLMES AVE.

Hi, folks. We’re new in the “‘hood,” and have a lot to learn. Could someone please tell us when the ice cream trucks start coming around? Our kids are new to city living and we think they’d get a kick out of this old fashioned tradition.
Bill and Cassie on Shunk St.

Neighbors, I have some good news: I have successfully lobbied the City Council to add an agenda item to discuss a potential neighborhood-by-neighborhood referendum that has the potential to ban those parasitic ice cream vendors from our neighborhood forever. People in other neighborhoods can suffer through an endless loop of Popeye the Sailor Man performed on the synthesized glockenspiel, but as for me, I’m going to do everything in my power to get those blood-sucking weasels off OUR streets. And your little sugar-addicted munchkins be damned!
Harry on Muenster Cir.

OK, NEGIBONS! YORE SILANCE SAY IT ALL: ITS A CONSPRI, A CONPIARS, A COPSNIARC… YALL GANGDED UP ON ME! TO STEEL MY BIG PRIZZE!!!! WHAT I WANT TO KOW IS WHY!!!11!?????
BERTHA ON HOLMES AVE.

Who do I talk to about moving polling place locations in the neighborhood? I feel the current locations are entirely too accessible to certain people who I do not feel should have such an easy time voting, if you catch my drift. If we moved polling places to a gated subdivision in the neighborhood, I feel our democracy would be better served. Or I’m open to the idea of limiting the franchise to property owners, if folks think that’d do the trick. Thoughts?
Sylvia on Marchan Ct.

Peace be upon all our neighbors. We, the members of the Hoffman Living Cooperative, are pleased to announce that we have a bumper crop of ragweed sprouts to share. Many find these sprouts to build up their natural immunity to allergies. Just two or three pounds of them yields enough juice for a delicious ragweed sprout and hay pollen smoothie. We’ll have flats of sprouts set out by the curb over the weekend. Take all you want but use all you take, and leave some for others. Don’t worry about the smell—that’s just the growth medium we recycled from our composting toilets. Enjoy!
Brother Fred of Hoffman Living Cooperative on Rapple Way

Hi, there. Does anyone know a good, reliable company to call for fire suppression? There’s a little conflagration at the back of our house and we’d like to get some recommendations for reputable fire suppression contractors fairly soon, and certainly before the fire reaches the baby’s nursery. Thanks.
Sally and Brad on Adnan St.

NEER MIND NGEIBOSR!! THE LETTERS SAYS I >>>>MAY<<<< HAVE WON A BGI PRIZZE!! SO IT MUST STEEL BE oN THEWAY!!! SORRy I ACCURSED ‘YAL’L!!!
BERTHA ON HOLMES AVE.