You'll never make sandwiches in this town again, kid.

 

If you’re considering working at a Jimmy John’s sandwich shop, you may want to read the fine print on your job application.
A Jimmy John’s employment agreement provided to The Huffington Post includes a “non-competition” clause that’s surprising in its breadth. Noncompete agreements are typically reserved for managers or employees who could clearly exploit a business’s inside information by jumping to a competitor. But at Jimmy John’s, the agreement apparently applies to low-wage sandwich makers and delivery drivers, too.
Huffington Post

“Hi, welcome to Subs ‘n Such. What can I make you today?”

“I’m looking for a Randy Todd Coleman.”

“That’s me. And you are?”

“I’m the guy who is serving you with a lawsuit. Here, take this.”

“A lawsuit?! For what?”

“Didn’t you briefly work at the Jimmy John’s restaurant about a mile and a half from here?”

“Yeah, but that place sucked. They made me wear a hair net and wash my hands all the time.”

“Well, they are suing you because you signed a non-compete agreement. You pledged that for at least two years after you left the place you wouldn’t work in a, and I quote, ‘restaurant, establishment, snack bar, food cart or any other entity, whether for-profit or not-for-profit, engaged in the purveyance of food items served between two or more pieces of grain-based baked goods, to wit, sandwiches.’”

“Aw, are you kidding me? Those bastards. They can’t do that!”

“Well, they did it. And you signed it.”

“I didn’t know what I was signing!”

“Signing it without understanding it is not only NOT a mitigating factor, it’s exactly what Jimmy John’s hopes all their employees will do.”

“Well, screw those Jimmy John’s guys! I’ll counter-sue!”

“No, you won’t.”

“Yes, I will! My girlfriend’s dad’s a lawyer.”

“Then he’ll be able to explain to you about the binding mediation clause you also signed, waiving your right to sue Jimmy John’s. In perpetuity. For anything.”  

“Well, what recourse do I have then?”

“You can bring your case to a mediator, but it has to be a mediator Jimmy John’s approves of.”

“And who would that be?”

“Usually, it’s the owner of the franchise where the disgruntled employee worked.”

“That’s not fair!”

“I didn’t say ‘fair mediation,’ I said ‘binding mediation.’”

“Oh, man. This sucks. Listen, I gotta get back to work. Do you want a sandwich or not?”

“That depends.”

“On what?”

“Did you wash your hands?”