An Amazon Anticipatory Shipping Misadventure

 

In deciding what to ship, Amazon said it may consider previous orders, product searches, wish lists, shopping-cart contents, returns and even how long an Internet user’s cursor hovers over an item.WSJ: Amazon Wants to Ship Your Package Before You Buy It

“Hi, honey. How was your day?”

“Oh, pretty good. Anything in the mail?”

“No, but you got a package delivery from Amazon.”

“Really? I didn’t order anything from Amazon.”

“No? Well, look, honey, if there’s something you’ve been wanting to tell me about your sex life…”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about the 55-gallon drum of personal lubricant that got wheeled into our den this afternoon.”

“Larry!”

“Who’s Larry? Your, um, boyfriend?”

“Boyfriend? No. Larry’s the guy at work who pulled up the page with the 55-gallon drum of personal lubricant on my work computer while I was in a meeting.”

“Well, does Larry have a wet vac and a barrel dolly? Because the goddamn drum is leaking and now we have an oil slick in our fucking den.”

“Not oil. That stuff is water-based.”

“Whatever. Tell your dipshit friend Larry he needs to get his ass over here, get that lube drum out of our house and clean up our new laminate floors.”

“Larry!”