“Your” privacy is important to us. How could it be otherwise—selling off little pieces of it to the highest bidder is how we make our money. So we damn sure better safeguard it or there goes our third quarter revenue, right down the crapper. Accordingly, we have made some updates to our “Privacy” Policy.
By “your” privacy, of course, we mean “our” privacy, because, let’s face it, we both have a very real stake in it. Admittedly, our stake in it is more or less strictly monetary, while your stake in it has more to do with avoiding the humiliation and embarrassment you’d face should anyone find out about that one very unfortunate night in L.A. three years ago. Come now, you remember the night we’re talking about—the night when people turned out to be not who or what you thought they were? Riiiiight. You get where we’re going with this. So, as you can see, neither of us wants “our” privacy to become compromised, do we?
So be a good little fellow, won’t you, and check the small box at the very end indicating you’ve read and agree to all of this, which, of course, you haven’t and you don’t. Well, grudgingly, I guess, you will agree. I mean, you are going to check the box, after all. It’s not like you have much choice. But we understand if you have to hold your nose to do it. Safeguarding “our” privacy can be a dirty business sometimes.
This next bit contains some Important Details that probably won’t make much sense to you, but don’t worry—that’s by design. We hired a crack team of lawyers to say exactly what we mean in precisely the most difficult way for you to understand. Ultimately, we think it’ll be better for both of us that way. What you don’t know that you don’t know won’t hurt you. More than likely. So if we were you, we wouldn’t even bother pressing the link that says:
+Important Details: Click to Expand
Good move. It would’ve taken you almost as long to read that nonsense as it took for our lawyers to translate it into indecipherable (but legally binding) jargon. Who’s got the time? And what’s the point anyway, since we all know you’re going to click the little box below. Because you wouldn’t want anything to happen to “our” privacy, would you? There’s the good little fellow!