Dear people at People:
What’s that stirring? Do you feel it? Do you feel a fresh wind sweeping down over the land, blowing away all of the tawdry movie star scandals, the celebrity O.D. stories and the first-person weight loss triumphs? I do. I feel it. And it smells like very high quality, compounded-to-order-by-the-royal-pharmacist baby powder!
So what’s the new name going to be? Oh, come on. You’re going to need a new name. You know it. I know it. We all know it. People Magazine is simply going to be too broad for you from now on. But I have some suggestions:
Select Royal People and Their Adorable New Baby Person Magazine
Little Prince Magazine
Regal Magazine (almost rhymes!)
Baby Prince Magazine
Adorable Royal Cuteness Magazine
Mostly About the Royal Baby but Some Stuff About Random Celebrities Magazine
If you pick one of my names, all I would ask for is a lifetime subscription, so I would never miss a single word you write about the new precious bundle of royal joy. And if none of these names grab you, I’d be happy to come in and spitball some other options with you.
No need to thank me. Yet.
In devoted service to His Tiny Majesty,
R. D. Malley
Semi-professional royal baby lover