Find a tween Ozzy Osbourne with this Youth Metal Detector

Are you looking for the next pre-teen Motley Crüe?

Do you want to get your mitts on the next Iron Maiden before some other rapacious, scruple-free svengali exploits them first?

Wouldn’t it be great to discover Pantera as a diamond in the rough so that you could present them to the world as a diamond in the slightly less rough, for fun, and most importantly, profit?

Then pal, do I have the tool for you.

The Model MC1 Youth Metal Detector is unlike any youth metal detector before it. Its twin sensitivity coils can pick up the slightest bent string feedback from up to 500 yards away!

With its powerful anguished shriek detection circuitry, it can penetrate deep into even the most heavily egg-crated cinderblock rehearsal garages to sniff out those aspiring Bon Scotts and Axl Roses.

No, wait, I’m lying. This is just a metal detector for kids with funny syntax on the package.

As you were.