More from my neighborhood listserv

 

HLELO NEGBHOSR!!!! WE HAVE LOT OF DITOMASHUS EARTH LEFTOVER! FROM OUR SOIL! CULTIVATION PROJECT!! LIKE A LOT OF IT!!! WE ORDERDERED A TRUCKFUL BUT THOT IT WOUL BE A PICKUP NOT A DUMP! COME GET SOM!! PLEASE!!! WERE THE HOUSEE WITH THE LARGE WHITE PILES IN FRONT!—BERTHA ON HOLMES AVE.
 

Someone recently posted a link for how we could help the people affected by the disaster in West, TX. I was not aware that we could use this list to help publicize our “pet causes.” I’m not saying the people in West don’t deserve our help, but for years I have been working for a group that helps emotionally disabled dogs recover from their birth trauma. So, yes, by all means help the people suffering in West, TX. But please also send a generous donation to www.nosaddogs.org. Thank you.—Mike on Lasper Ct.
 

In addition to the link someone posted earlier about sending donations to help out the people in West, TX, my buddy and I will be holding a big barbecue fundraiser in our backyard tonight and we need help with food and beer. Feel free to drop donations of cash through my mail slot and leave donated quality meats and seafoods in the ice chest on my porch. You’re welcome.—Jared on Hanley Dr.

I WOLD LIKE TO KNW WHO CLALED THE CITY ON ME! BECAUSE OF THIS DITACEMOUS EARTH! WHICH I HAVE TRIED TO GIVE AWAY! AND WHO IS CLALING WHO AN QUOTE “EYE” “SORE” UNQUOT.?!—BERTHA ON HOLMES AVE.

Hello, neighbors. Well, hey, if we’re going to just turn this list into a bulletin board for our favorite charities, what the hell? If you are tired of the Trilateral Commission and the IMF and the Interior Department and PB$ degrading our freedoms in pursuit of their domination of the world silver market, by all means send a check to the one publication with the guts to tell the truth about what’s really going on in the world:
The Conspiracy Clarion
c/o Daniel Enler
1415 Matilda Blvd., #C
Austin, TX 78704
Thanks, and the sooner you send your donation the better. I don’t think I have enough toner to print the next issue.—Danny on Matilda

Is something going on in west Texas? My sister and brother-in-law are camping in Big Bend and I haven’t been able to reach them for the last 45 minutes.—Carol on Elms Way

I just called 3-1-1 on the idiot frat boys renting the house next door to me. Once again, they are throwing an all-night beer bust and barbecue for all their idiot buddies. These are the kinds of guys who compete to see who can projectile vomit the farthest and yell “Yee haw!” the loudest. If you’re as sick of it as I am, please lodge your own complaints with 3-1-1 and maybe we can get something done about this.—Susan on Hanley Dr.

ENVIMORENTAL HAZZZARD?! WHO TOLD THE  CITY DIMATACOUS EARTH WAS A EVINORMETAL HAZZZZARD????!!!!! ITS’ NOT!! IT’S’ JUST LITTLE FOSILS!!! NOW MY FRONT! YARD HAAS BEEN LISTEDED AS A TOXICS WAIST DUMP!! AND THIS AFTER I GENROUSLY OFERED DIMATCIOUS EARTH TO WHO EVER! WANTED IT! NOT VERY NEGBORLY!!!—BERTHA ON HOLMES AVE.