Latest from the neighborhood listserv

HELLOOO NEIGBORS1!!!11!! I JUST WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT MY HUSBANDS MARTYS’ NEW ERECTION IS PERMITED IN THE BACK YARD. IN CASE OF YOU NOSEY PARKERS.—BERTHA ON HOLMES AVE

PS: AND THATS’ THE CITY TALKIN, NOT ME!!!11!!!!!

Hi, I’m new to the neighborhood. We live near the playground and were just wondering if it’s normal for kids to play there, or should we call the authorities.—Candy on Marchand St.

Howdy neighbors. The monthly list of street closures affecting our neighborhood has just been released for next month:

Apr 1-3: Have a Heart Health Festival and 10K “Fun Run”—all streets coming into and out of the neighborhood closed from set-up to tear down.

Apr 8-11: Are You Kidneying Me Donation Fair and Half Marathon—all streets coming into and out of the neighborhood closed from set-up to tear down.

Apr 18-21: You Got a Lotta Spleenin’ to Do Spleen Health Awareness Carnival and 10K “Fun Run”—all streets coming into and out of the neighborhood closed from set-up to tear down.

Apr 28-30: Acne No Questions Teen Dermatology Awareness Fair and Concert—all streets coming into and out of the neighborhood closed from set-up to tear down.

Thank goodness April will be a slow month!—Steve on Knurlwood Ct.

Dear neighbors: I don’t want to alarm anyone, but I was walking my dog in the neighborhood yesterday and around the Medwick St. area I noticed a man seemed to be following us. He was older, didn’t really appear to be threatening, but he did have a scowl on his face. Anyone know this guy?—Maggie on Adwell St.

HI NEIHBORS!!! MR. SWENSON THE MAN MARTY HIRED FOR THE ERECTION ASKED ME IF ANYONE IN THE “‘HOOD” HAS A BACKHOE. HE CAN BORROW?—BERTHA ON HOLMES AVE.

To the lady walking her dog yesterday afternoon: don’t think I didn’t see you throw that plastic baggie of dog poo in my trashcan. Just because we set our trashcans out on the curb the day before garbage pickup doesn’t mean anyone can just come by and throw their trash in them, especially something so disgusting as dog poo in a plastic bag. You think you’re so smart and sneaky, but guess what? I took the baggie of dog poo out of MY trash can and followed you and your dog all the way to your house and threw the baggie of dog poo in YOUR trash can. Ha! Guess the joke’s on you, huh?—Dermon on Medwick St.