The 50 Least Consequential Innovations Since the Wheel

Kottke links to this post in the Atlantic where “eminent historians” weigh in on the 50 most important innovations since the wheel. 

And that’s fine, that’s fine. Some people get all caught up in the “important stuff,” and I understand that. But here at Oblogatory, we have another list. OK, I have another list. And the significance of the items on this list, I’d aver, simply can’t be measured. 

So without further ado, here are the 50 Least Consequential Innovations since the Wheel:

  1. Mirrored mirror
  2. Grease desexer
  3. Dissolving harpoon
  4. Monkey gloves
  5. Training training wheels
  6. Cheese icer
  7. Nitrogen non-intervention
  8. Inert electricity
  9. Totally normalizing ray
  10. Mustard boiler
  11. Flypaper shoes
  12. Cat isolation chamber
  13. The study of meh
  14. Queasy water
  15. Florm
  16. Arnaz-style sideburns
  17. Personal computer scabbard
  18. Whey-based monetary system
  19. Art
  20. Fruit suede
  21. Reverse frontal rear projection
  22. Light hard lemonade
  23. Angel dust cover
  24. Bull milking machine
  25. Howard spotter
  26. The “Shaved Heiress” Theorem
  27. Gelatin grater
  28. Dead calm mill
  29. Water loaf
  30. Murtaugh’s Law of Guesstimates
  31. The “aware” tattoo
  32. Toenail defiler
  33. Self-fouling latrine
  34. Bullshit multiplier factor
  35. Tree bark condoms
  36. Ever-randomizing grammar
  37. Artificial organic vinyl
  38. Not-quite-slow motion photography
  39. Tank cozy
  40. Eccentric canals
  41. Woven mercury
  42. Aluminum butter
  43. Snerd’s Law of Ventriloquism
  44. Underarm reodorant
  45. Interchangeable punchlines
  46. Hummingbird leash
  47. Remaud’s Law of Six of One, Half a Dozen of the Other
  48. Curd-powered engine
  49. Never-drying ink
  50. Bioengineered lint