Latest sure-to-be-rejected letter to People Magazine

Dear People Magazine people:

THANK YOU SO MUCH for putting the formerly fat-faced Paula Deen and her jackal-like sons on the cover of your latest issue! 

In today’s world, we are bombarded with so much hate and negativity. Sometimes that makes me lose sight of the things that are truly worth being hateful and negative about. 

Your cover photo of the Deen harridan and her simpering toady brood brought that all home for me. 

I feel that now I can go forward, secure in the knowledge that I’ll never forget how much I hate this base and despicable woman. 

I know that sometimes on those nights you can’t sleep, you must law awake questioning your very existence and think, “Why am I wasting my life helping to put out this stupid, worthless magazine?”

The next time that happens, just remember, you’re helping a guy in Austin, TX remember which hate to hold onto. 

All my best, yo, 

R. D. Malley