Latest highlights from my neighborhood listserv

HELLo NEIGHBORS!!!! I EITHER LOANEDED MY RAKE TO SOMEONE OR BORROWED SOMEONE ELSES’S RAKE AND LOSTED IT!! CAN SOMEONE HELP ME!!!  ?—BERTHA ON HOLMES AVE

PS: NEED RAKE!!!!

Does anyone know who I call when I see a person of poorness in the neighborhood? Thank you.—P. Landy on Marsh Cir.

Howdy, neighbors! Just wanted to invite everyone to come on down to Have-a-Cuppa tonight at 7:30. We need to start planning for the organic, gluten-free neighborhood garden we’re going to build this spring, and Step 1 is nominating members to the pre-planning steering committee steering committee. Who’s in?—Safflower on Myrtle Ct.

Hi, we just don’t want to deal with it anymore, so we need to find a good home for our 2-year-old dog that was just diagnosed with a chronic stomach disorder. Any takers?—Russ on Larkspur Ln.

OH!!! YES NOW I REMEMBER! I BORROWED A RAKE AND LOSTED IT! CAN I HAVE IT BACK!!!!!!—BERTHA ON HOLMES AVE

Notice: I set a 55 gal. drum of waste byproducts resulting from my alchemy experiments out on the curb. First come, first served.—Dale on Smith St.

Waste byproducts gone.—Dale on Smith St.

To whom it may concern: Once again, I used my yard-vac this weekend, and, once again, there were leaves on my lawn come Monday morning. There is no neighborhood mit no order! Citizens of Marigold Subdivision: maintain your yards or be crushed!—A. Eichmann on Cherry St.

DAMN NOT RAKE I MEAN HO!!!—BERTHA ON HOLMES AVE