The Monday Morning Ethicist: Leftover wine?!

Chuck Klosterman is The Ethicist for the NYT. I am the Monday Morning Ethicist.

Yesterday’s lead question for Chuck:

I recently had a party and afterward had quite a few large bottles of leftover wine (they were opened and wouldn’t keep). There is a particular corner in my neighborhood where benign “drunkards” hang out and drink. They have done so for years, and everyone accepts this as part of our neighborhood. My question is, Should I drop this mother lode of wine off on their perch for them (because who am I to judge their choices?), or pour it down the drain (which would be a “waste”)? DEAN D., LOS ANGELES

Chuck said: In so many words, sure, why not.

I say:

Dear Deano Downer:

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa.

Dude, I’m sorry but I can’t help you because I haven’t been able to read your whole letter. Why? Because every time I try to read past the first sentence, I can’t, because I’m laughing too hard.

You had a party after which there were quite a few large bottles of wine left over?!

BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Excuse me while I wipe the tears from my eyes.

That, my friend, is not a party. It may be a sewing circle. It may be an encounter group. Or a book club. But it is certainly not a party.

Seek professional help. And the next time you’re looking to offload some free hooch, I got your “benign drunkard” right here.

Hope this helps!