My mid-season report card

Pitching
Probably my most improved category from last season, where I found myself so disconnected and ambivalent I could scarcely work up the anger and disgust to pitch a fit at all. This season, however, in spite of the overall decline of the Astros, I have a higher level of emotional investment, and so my fit pitching has been more frequent and competitive. And most of my fits have qualified as quality starts, although I admit I need to work on my tendency to lapse into weak sobbing in the later innings.
Grade: B+

Hitting
Kind of a tossup. I’ve been hitting my forehead for a high average, usually when manager Brad Mills brings in a left-handed reliever, who then walks the only batter he faces. But I’m not hitting it with the power I’ve had in seasons past. Often, I barely see stars. Expect improvement in the second half.
Grade: B-

Fielding
As usual, my fielding of queries or barbs about the tragic progress of the Astros’ season has been sharp, with very few errors. When a friend will email me something like, “WTF is up with the Astros? They suck,” I’m never less than sure-fingered, speedily firing off replies like, “Yes, but they drafted extraordinarily well,” or, “Why don’t you bite me?”
Grade: A-

Throwing
Can’t really evaluate, because I wrenched my shoulder throwing my phone at the dog following a walk-off win by the Cardinals in early May. So I’ve been limited to soft tossing crumpled up scorecards at the trashcan in disgust following late inning bullpen implosions. Hopefully, my strength will return, and I’ll be back to winging heavier objects around when the losses start piling up in August.
Grade: Incomplete

Intangibles
Irrational Win Exuberance (IWE): A
Team Management Optimism Credulity (T-MOC): A-
Standings-based Mood Effect (SbME): C-
Play-by-Play Announcer Annoyance: (PbPAA): A+