Dear People people:
I am writing about your coverage of Jessica Sampson’s baby birthing. While generally excellent, one glaring shortcoming has shaken my heretofore blind faith in your journalistic instincts.
On the plus side, the delivery room photos, especially the one of Jessica gnawing off the umbilical cord with her brand new veneers, were top notch.
But the pictures of Miss Sampson with His Baby in the recovery room? They left me wanting.
Why no pictures where the baby’s little horns were visible, People?
Look, you know, I know, we all know who that child’s REAL father is. By refusing to reveal the baby’s unswaddled head, you are revealing something else.
Not that you are afraid of a couple of adorable tiny horn buds. No, what you are revealing is your anti-Evil One bias.
And it makes me so sad.
I sure hope I don’t have to organize a nationwide boycott of your advertisers, which I wouldn’t have to do if you would only publish a picture of Jessica holding His baby clearly showing the baby’s horns.
Get me, People?
You have until the June 30th issue, after which all bets are off.
R. David Lemlay