7 rules toward a unified nicknaming system for MLB players

Rule 1: Wherever possible, add a “-y” or an “-ie” to the last name and you’re done:
Mike Carp, “Carpy”
Laynce Nix, “Nixxie”

Rule 2: If Rule 1 doesn’t work for a particular name, try truncating it and making it plural:
Reggie Abercrombie, “Abs”
Jolbert Cabrera, “Cabs”
Carl Crawford, “Craws”

Rule 3: A name truncated by Rule 2 may sometimes be further modified by adding a “-y” or “-ie” ending from Rule 1:
Chris Dickerson, “Dicksie”
Kyle Hudson, “Hudsie”
Scott Podsednik, “Poddsie”

Rule 4: If Rules 1 or 2 don’t seem to fit, go with the initials:
Justin Christian, “J. C.”
Desmond Jennings, “D. J.”
Clay Timpner, “C. T.”

Rule 5: A-Roddify the name, where appropriate:
Fred Lewis, “F-Lew”
Alex Romero, “A-Rom”

Rule 6: For some Latino names, you’ll get a cooler nickname by ending in “-o” rather than “-y” or “-ie.” Use common sense:
Luis Durango, “Rango”
Carlos Gonzalez, “Gonzo”

Rule 7: Get creative! Have fun with it:
Matt Diaz, “MD 20-20”
Chris Heisey, “Heisman Trophy”
Jon Jay, “Jay Z”
Timo Perez, “T-Mop”
Logan Morrison, “L-Mo”