Carnival Cruise Lines Application for Employment

 

Last name: Schettino
First name: Captain
Position applied for: Boat driver
Age: Preferably a 10-years-old or newer boat
Sex: Yes, please
Relevant experience: Commanded a jet ski off the Albanian coast during summer vacation

Complete these sentences:

A captain’s first responsibility is for the safety of his… childrens’ father.
Women and children… are so cute bobbing in the waves.
Commanding a $650 million vessel requires… a little razzle-a dazzle, a little fun, no?
I would never put the safety of my passengers at risk unless… there’s some pretty little girls who like big boats waving from the shore, no?

Multiple choice. Choose the best answer for each question.

Uncharted waters may conceal__________.
A) rocks that can pierce the hull of a cruise ship
B) dangerous tides that can pull a cruise ship off course
C) mermaids
D) sudden shallow drafts

In case of emergency, the first thing to do is__________.
A) calm and reassure the passengers
B) confirm that all lifeboats and safety equipment are properly deployed
C) identify any passengers who may need special assistance
D) pack, quickly (remember iPad!)

A breach in the hull may best be mitigated by__________.
A) activating all bilge pumps on the highest setting
B) flooding the ballast holds opposite the breach
C) reversing the engines
D) one of the guys who’s still on the boat

If a ship is listing more than 7 degrees, I should__________.
A) implement code red procedures
B) ready passengers for emergency disembarkation
C) order the crew to their emergency stations
D) leave it to the professionals

In case of an emergency evacuation, I should _________.
A) notify the coast guard
B) stay on board until all passengers and crew members are safe
C) personally assist the elderly passengers
D) not be too embarrassed. It happens, and anyway, I can change my underpants when I get to the shore, no?

Desired salary: Enough so I can buy nice things for the pretty girls waving on the shore, no? 
Date you can start: Let’s go!
May we contact your previous employers? Eh, maybe it’s not such a great idea.
Do you promise to uphold the policies and procedures of Carnival Cruise Lines and to conduct yourself in a manner that maintains the safety and well being of our passengers? Sure, sure, of course! Let’s go!