10 ways to maximize your weekend fun

Doin’ it right: ur doin’ it right!

Start happy hour by GMT.

Apply lubricant to the end of Thursday so you can build up some momentum as you slide through Friday.

Consolidate to one gigantic meal. Call it brunchupper.

Wear only tear-away clothing so you can escape from anywhere the second the fun stops.

Put together a mixtape of groovy tunes and pump up the volume on your jambox.

Explain to bartenders that you’ve been declared a no-dry zone.

List all of your chores in one place to make ignoring them easier.

Bathe only to remove encrusted solids.

Postpone episodes of remorse, regret and self-loathing until you get to work on Monday.

Party hearty XXL.