8 More Things You Didn't Know about Rick Perry

Uh, yeah, feels so good. What a rush!

  1. Spikes kids’ Halloween candy with human papillomavirus vaccine so that they’ll all want to have sex when they get older.
  2. Gets turned on by wife’s dirty talk, such as, “Do me—I’ve been a bad state, Ricky!”
  3. Is sometimes mistaken for a wax figure of himself. 
  4. Is not related to Katy Perry but has “reached out” to her.
  5. Is also not related to Gaylord Perry, Admiral Perry, Steve Perry, Joe Perry, Perry Mason, Peri Tineal or a bowl of bosc pears.
  6. Has a state treasury account ATM, but only uses it for personal emergencies, like weekdays.
  7. OK, and weekends.
  8. When shown photos of his ass and a hole in the ground, correctly picked his ass 6 times out of 10.