Side effects may include...


Sprotox has been known to produce certain side effects. Side effects may include an itchy, scaly, yucky bottom rash, spitting while talking, excessive flatus production and nervous priapism that is more likely to present during stressful situations, like job interviews.

In a clinical trial of Sprotox, certain people exhibited signs of excessive emotional sensitivity, but it’s not clear if this was the result of Sprotox or the fact that these subjects were having a high-drama affair at the drug testing place. At any rate, they were a real pain in the ass. You couldn’t even call them to breakfast without one or both of them bursting into tears. Whatever.

Sprotox has been associated with massive strokes, sudden death and/or spontaneous limb detachment. You may think that’s more risk than you should have to deal with for a medication whose only known benefit is getting rid of those little bumps under your eyelids (most of the time), but, hey, that’s on you. If you want to ruin your nice outfits by going out in public with little bumps under your eyelids, it’s fine with us, freakenstein.

Sprotox is not for everyone. Ask your doctor if you have a low tolerance for sarcasm. Believe us, your doctor will know. Also, tell your doctor if you are taking any powerful narcotic painkillers, where you got them, if they are the good shit, and how much he can expect to pay if he’s buying in bulk.

We should probably also mention that since we moved production of Sprotox to our contract facility in China, all kinds of other side effects are cropping up, but so far no one has died, exactly. Well, but that one lady was going to die anyway. At any rate, our lawyer says her family will never prove it in court, if for no other reason than we will wear them down with pre-trial motions and they’ll ultimately settle and leave us the hell alone. So, see? No reason for concern.

Oh, and explosive diarrhea, did we mention explosive diarrhea?