Pondering birdshit on a window

I noticed birdshit on our front window the other day.

Aside from being kinda beautiful, it’s really pretty amazing when you think about it.

How does birdshit end up on a vertical surface like that?

Obviously, the bird had to have released its cloacal emission from on high. It might have been that the bird was in a tree directly above the window, dropped its package, and then a slight breeze at just the right moment nudged the falling mess into the window.

Except there is no tree above the window. And even if there was, the window is set back under 24” eaves.

That means the birdshit must have been moving horizontally as it fell vertically. In the vertical distance between the roofline and where the birdshit splatted the window—approximately 8 feet— it had to move 2 feet horizontally. So we’re clearly talking about a flying, shitting bird.

At that rate, if the bird was flying 100 feet up, it would have to relieve itself 25 feet before it flew over the house in order for its shit to clear the eaves and hit the window. And that’s ignoring the fact that the birdshit was accelerating at 32”/sec(sec) as it fell, so it actually would have been further than that.

What this bird accomplished kinda makes anything I have to get done today seem pretty easy.